Author: system

Seize the holiday, be grateful, and laugh heartily

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Written by: Dr. TIK Chi-yuen, Director, The Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

 

I enjoy cooking and inviting relatives and friends to gatherings at home. When gathering with family and friends, they share, laugh heartily, play games, and even laugh uncontrollably. Numerous studies have shown that laughter can reduce stress, boost the immune system, and lead to fewer illnesses, while also strengthening relationships.

 

Scientific research indicates that regular family gatherings not only improve communication and strengthen healthy relationships but also help children avoid smoking, drinking, and drugs in the long run, and can even enhance their academic performance. It seems that having more meals together and chatting has many benefits!

 

If you pay a little more attention, helping to wash dishes after a meal, preparing desserts for friends, or volunteering can warm others’ hearts and your own. It is more blessed to give than to receive. No wonder research also shows that these actions can lower high blood pressure and protect heart health.

City dwellers endure considerable stress, mostly from academics, work, and family. Consequently, many urbanites suffer from headaches, stomachaches, loss of appetite, and muscle pain. However, research from the University of Illinois at Chicago in the United States shows that frequently expressing gratitude, appreciating others, and giving timely praise can alleviate these stress-induced symptoms and even depression. People who are often grateful do not spend much time comparing themselves to others, thus they are more content and happy.

 

British researchers studied a group of local university students and found that those who frequently expressed gratitude had fewer symptoms of depression and stress, and also had more social support. Additionally, people who regularly count their blessings tend to be more optimistic and easily satisfied. With so many benefits to being grateful, why not embrace it?

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Who sympathizes? A child’s voice

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Written by： Family Dynamics, Counseling Psychologist,  Shelly Mok

I met W in a social-emotional group. At that time, W was only 11 years old. In the group, although W would “follow the crowd” and engage in some disorderly behavior, he was the boy who could best understand the emotions behind others’ actions. Moreover, he was able to proactively offer help when others faced emotional difficulties. After the group ended, his mother requested a one-on-one meeting with W. Since entering the fourth grade, W’s grades had significantly declined, dropping from being at the top of his class in the lower grades to around 20th place in the fifth grade, with the most significant drop in his English grades. The teacher reported that he had started associating with the naughtiest kids in the grade and often talked back to the teacher. At home, he frequently argued with or ignored his parents. I was puzzled as to why such an empathetic child had suddenly lost his way.

During the therapy process, I discovered W’s inner world:

  1. He felt very lonely and empty inside: During the first one-on-one meeting, W expressed his willingness to see me and cried about his grievances and loneliness. He said that his parents only cared about his grades, not his situation, interests, or hobbies, and did not spend time with him.
  2. He valued interpersonal relationships: As the therapy progressed, he gradually began to share details of his school life with me, such as the attitudes and temperaments of different subject teachers and the interactions with students, and how these affected his grades in different subjects. Therefore, whether at school or at home, good interpersonal relationships and others’ understanding and acceptance of him would become his motivation for learning.
  3. He liked to use his brain, was not afraid of difficulties and failures, and enjoyed games, toys, and creative writing that challenged his intelligence and patience. When playing board games in the playroom, the more I deliberately won, the more interested he became in understanding my strategies. However, rote learning methods made him lose his enthusiasm for studying.

Parental Care and Willingness to Open Up

Changing the curriculum and teachers at school is very difficult. Additionally, there are many practical considerations if one wants to transfer schools in the sixth grade. Therefore, W’s parents and I worked together to help W receive the attention, acceptance, understanding, and brainstorming at home that he could not get at school, making it a possible and key focus of therapeutic intervention.

W’s parents are not good at expressing love and care, but they genuinely care about W from the bottom of their hearts. They always take time off work to attend every parent consultation session. When I guided them to recall the moments of W’s growth, they quickly realized and accepted W’s psychological needs and committed to spending more time with W, trying to understand and participate in W’s interests and hobbies. After some time, they reported to me that W was much happier at home and had started to share some of his school experiences with his parents.

Discovering Strengths and Rediscovering the True Self

On the other hand, in the game room, I helped W discover his strengths through games, understand his desire to grow and improve, thereby building his self-esteem and confidence, and rediscovering his true self. This allowed him to choose a path for himself. I believe that human nature inherently desires growth and positive development. As long as we help children recognize their deep-seated desires, they will naturally move towards a brighter path. When the play therapy ended, W told me that his overall happiness index had significantly increased because he understood his strengths and some important values. His mother also told me that the teacher said he had reconnected with some well-behaved and academically better-performing friends at school, and his attitude towards teachers had improved. Although his interest in studying remained low, it had stabilized.

There are many underlying reasons for a child’s academic decline. As parents, if we focus solely on grades, we often miss the opportunity to help our children grow, which can lead to other behavioral problems and affect parent-child, peer, and teacher-student relationships. For children, it is a basic need for their parents to care for them from their perspective, cater to their interests, understand their difficulties, and affirm their strengths.

Ultimately, having a confidant is a deep-seated human desire. This world is filled with many unchangeable realities, such as teachers and curricula. However, deep resonance can always make life a bit easier, making our children’s hearts stronger, less likely to get lost, and reducing the possibility of behavioral deviations. As for grades, rankings alone cannot determine a child’s future success. W’s affirmation of his strengths, his fearlessness in the face of difficulties, and his willingness to delve into and improve can become his lifelong motto, accompanying him through the ups and downs of his future life.

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25th January “Lunar New Year Fun Fair”
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Is my child particularly smart?

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Written by: Dr Cheung Kit

 

On television, there are many advertisements targeting the children’s market, including clothing, snacks, formula milk, stationery, and furniture. One of the key points is to make children more intelligent or to help them fully realize their intellectual potential, which is a good selling point. This sales technique captures a key point in the hearts of every parent – that their own child is the best.

 

Without discussing the truthfulness, logic, and objectivity of this statement, it is a sentiment that most parents, including the author, would agree with. However, in the process of raising children, this “most intelligent” mentality may lead to unrealistic expectations. Therefore, we can take a step back and take a closer look. In our daily lives, here are five behaviors that fathers commonly use to praise their children:

 

  1. “A 2-year-old child knows many functions of the tablet computer.”

 

This is because the touchscreen of the tablet computer is controlled by the resistance of the fingers, so a child’s random pointing movements can easily manipulate the screen. Additionally, without the logical constraints of adults, it is not difficult for most children to discover new functions on the device.

  1. “A 6-month-old child can observe others’ facial expressions and respond with coy or angry reactions.”

 

This type of response has been medically confirmed as one of the developmental milestones for all children. This two-way behavioral response, where the child learns by observing others’ reactions, is actually a learning response. Children who lack this type of reaction may be suspected of having sensory issues or early signs of autism.



  1. “A 3-year-old child can use adult-like vocabulary.”

 

Research has shown that children in the early childhood period can simultaneously learn up to six languages, which means their brains can continuously absorb the words and sentence structures around them. Even if they don’t understand the meaning, they can repeat them like a parrot. When adults realize they haven’t directly taught the child, and the child still knows the vocabulary, they may mistakenly think this is a sign of the child’s learning genius, which is inaccurate.



  1. “The questions that children ask sometimes are even beyond my ability to answer, they are so brilliant.”

 

In Hong Kong, one of the reasons why the complaint culture is so prevalent is that there is no cost involved: as long as one voices a complaint, someone will follow up on it without any effort. The questioning by children is a similar situation. They simply use words like “why”, “what”, and “how”, and the parents have to try their best to answer. In reality, these questions they raise are more a sign of their non-compliance, rather than a genuine learning process. So, this is not related to intelligence.

    1. “When they play games, they prefer not to follow the rules and set their own new rules.”

    Adhering to rules is a social norm defined by the adult world. Children, like people in undeveloped regions, need to learn how to live together and follow the rules. Therefore, if they knowingly do not follow the rules, it is merely an act of rebellion, not necessarily a sign of intelligence. On the contrary, the wiser approach is to first learn the basic rules, and then negotiate to improve them, in the view of the author.



    After understanding the above common misconceptions, it is not difficult to grasp what a truly intelligent child is:


    1. It is not just about being able to manipulate a tablet or smartphone flexibly, but also understanding how to utilize their functions.

    1. The ability to intuit adult psychology is an innate skill in children, and the wisdom to control their own emotions is even more valuable.

    1. Language ability is not the sole component in evaluating intelligence; both the “quality” and “quantity” of vocabulary are important.

    1. Exceeding one’s personal developmental milestones at a certain stage is quite common, but sustained long-term advancement without being pushed is what truly merits attention.

    While intelligence is certainly desirable, good character is also very important.

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What you need to know about e-learning

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Written by: Director of Program Development, Carmen Leung

 

After the pandemic, e-learning has become inevitable. Parents also download various tablet computer programs for their children to use, hoping that they can learn through interactive or entertaining visuals and sounds. Which animations and applications are beneficial for children’s learning? What should parents pay attention to when using multimedia to help their children learn?

 

Using e-learning according to age

 

In the preschool years, as the brain regions responsible for the five senses are developing rapidly, the author does not recommend that children aged 0 to 2 frequently or excessively rely on using television or tablet computers for learning. This is because the images on television or tablet computers are flashing at an extremely high frequency, and the young child’s eyes and brain will constantly receive stimulation unconsciously. Over time, visual stimulation becomes a habit, and brain development is also affected, leading to a decrease in concentration.

 

Some parents say, “My child is very focused when watching TV and playing with the iPhone, but they don’t have the patience for books, so I bought a lot of educational animations for them to watch.” Have parents ever thought that if the eyes and brain are used to constant stimulation, relatively static things like books and teacher explanations will naturally become uninteresting? If you continue to let young children rely on rich visuals to learn, what will happen when they eventually need to face book-based learning in the future?

For children aged 2 and above, as their brain development is more mature, parents can allow their children aged 2 and above to use television and computers for learning, but within limits. The time should start from no more than 15 minutes per day, and can be gradually increased as the child gets older. This is because as children grow older, the high-frequency flickering of computers or televisions will have a relatively lower impact on brain development.

 

Recommendation to use multiple learning modes

 

Although screen displays have an impact on children’s concentration, the author does not believe that using television and computers for learning has no merit. Multimedia or computer programs can increase the fun and interactivity of learning, making children more interested in learning and learning faster and more. However, in addition to using highly interactive multimedia for learning, children also need to adapt to other less interactive learning modes, such as books and one-way lectures, and find the enjoyment in learning from them. Parents should provide their children with diversified learning paths, such as taking them to the library, playing educational games with them, visiting museums, walking on nature trails, or even teaching them to read English menus at restaurants, so that children can try different learning modes and methods, and find the joy of learning.

How to choose suitable multimedia electronic learning products?

 

– The product should preferably not have non-learning elements that children can download or open by themselves. For example, if a child is using an iPhone or iPad for learning, parents should not let the child access other apps, ensuring that the child is learning rather than playing.

 

– Products with segmented or sectioned learning should be used. Many parents find that when it’s time for the child to stop using electronic devices, the child may have negative emotional reactions. Therefore, the author suggests that the product should be divided into different chapters, and parents can limit the child to only view or complete one chapter at a time.

 

– The product should have interactive elements and require the child to respond in different ways. If a multimedia product only provides a one-way teaching mode, it is not a good product. For example, if the product only allows the child to sit and listen to information, or watch without needing to respond, we call this “one-way learning,” which should be avoided. Products that allow children to sing together, do actions together, spell words together, read aloud, and answer questions are the ones that should be chosen.

– For example, some products may allow children to respond, but each time it’s the same type of answer, such as pressing a button to respond. In this case, the child’s responses will be relatively slow, turning into a “robotic” style of learning, which can affect their future learning motivation and ability to think from multiple perspectives. Products like this should be avoided.

 

Time for using electronic devices

 

The time spent using electronic devices for learning should not be too long, and parents should also set a daily or weekly time limit for their children to use electronic devices. For example, children can only use the computer for a maximum of half an hour after completing their homework. If the half-hour is up, the child must honor the commitment and stop using the device. Parents can also work with their children to set a daily schedule, allocating time for homework, play, extracurricular activities, and using electronic devices. This helps children understand that everything needs to be planned and moderated, which not only trains their self-management skills but also effectively limits the time spent using electronic devices.

 

Using electronic devices as a reward

 

If children enjoy using electronic devices for learning (which they often do), parents can consider using device usage as a reward. For example, if the child finishes their meal in half an hour or completes their homework with quality, they can be allowed to use the electronic device for thirty minutes.

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21st December “Christmas celebration Cum 25th School Anniversary”

Teaching children about social etiquette and interpersonal skills

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Written by: Education expert, Chu Wud Man

As a child, I occasionally saw wild geese in autumn. I would sometimes see my mother counting the calendar and muttering to herself, and I would also hear my sister say that in another month, Dad would be coming back for the Lunar New Year… Life was always full of expectation and longing. So, my siblings and I would work hard on our schoolwork and study diligently, because we all hoped that by the end of the twelfth lunar month, we could bring a little more comfort to our returning father.

As time and the world change, the rapid development of communication devices has made communication between people more convenient. To hear the voice of a person you long for, you only need to make a phone call, send a text message, or even participate in a group discussion. All of this is the convenience brought about by technological advancement, and the handwriting of letters home has become a distant memory.

However, I still vividly remember the childhood memories of writing letters home for my mother. She would dictate a sentence, and I would write it down. Sometimes, I would see my mother tearing up as she longed for her relatives back home, and I would involuntarily choke up as well. The experience of writing letters home made me appreciate the preciousness of family bonds and understand the feelings of longing and patience.

Some people believe that some young people today lack social etiquette, and one of the reasons for this phenomenon is the change in communication patterns. When you ride the subway, you can’t help but notice the curious sight of people buried in their phones, sorting through data. Spending the whole day in front of a computer or phone, without the need for face-to-face communication, naturally makes it difficult to improve interpersonal skills. The fast pace of society also tends to squeeze out space for contemplation, and without the experience of waiting and longing, it is difficult to cultivate a sincere and upright character. These problems in the growth of children that have emerged in recent years are issues that we all need to pay attention to.

In addition to paying attention to whether children are using communication devices appropriately, parents should also guide them to reduce their usage time and avoid being “inseparable from the device.” During family dinners, parents can share their work experiences or hardships with their children, allowing them to understand society from different perspectives and appreciate the efforts of their parents, which can inspire them to think more carefully. Furthermore, when the family is about to arrange important events, parents should also let the children express their opinions, so that they can learn to look forward to their days and long for their family members. Learning about human relationships through communication between people is an excellent growth experience. Dear parents, as we enjoy the benefits brought by modern technological advancement, we should not overlook the impact of technological development on the mental growth of our children.

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Learning to solve problems with wisdom

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Written by: Octopus parent, Mr. Thomas Chiu

Mom: “If Mommy gets captured by the Gruffalo (the monster from the cartoon) and taken into the forest, what should we do?”

Hei Hei: “I will cook a meal for the Gruffalo to eat, because if the Gruffalo is full, it won’t eat Mommy! And Mommy said that after eating the meal, she can have the dishes!”

That was a conversation between the mother and Hei Hei. I greatly appreciate Hei Hei’s creativity, but I am most delighted that he tries to solve the problem with wisdom, rather than immediately resorting to violence to directly eliminate the obstacle, such as beating or even “killing” the Gruffalo and then rescuing Mommy. Or finding the police to arrest the Gruffalo, and then rescuing Mommy – these would be direct methods.

What’s wrong with the Gruffalo capturing Mommy because it was hungry? Does the solution have to be to eliminate it? If we let the Gruffalo eat its fill, it will naturally release Mommy! We should be able to accommodate each other’s ways of living; it doesn’t always have to be a life-or-death situation. I want my child to have their own stance, but at the same time, they need to learn to be tolerant of others, including their actions and even their mistakes. If we do not agree with someone’s behavior, we should try to persuade them with our own words and arguments.

It is always better to solve problems with wisdom rather than resorting to various forms of violence. There are always win-win solutions, as long as all parties make an effort to find them.

Focus on Interests, Not Positions

The author has read a famous book on negotiation techniques, titled “Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement without Giving In,” which introduces five principles of “Principled Negotiation” that are very useful. One of the principles is to “Focus on Interests, Not Positions.” In today’s society, where there are various conflicts, if the parties involved can prioritize the public interest over their own positions, and not just oppose each other because you are on the left and I am on the right, or because of differing positions, without the need for one side to emerge victorious, then even if your position or the side you support wins, what is the cost to society? Has the public interest truly increased because your position has prevailed?

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1st November “Autumn parent-child trip”

Stamp Collecting as a Parent-Child Activity

Parenting Articles
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Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist

 

In recent years, environmental awareness has been on the rise. As a parent, you can cultivate an eco-friendly and meaningful hobby like stamp collecting for your child. This can also serve as a simple and convenient parent-child activity.

 

Parents who work in an office often need to open various types of mail, which often come with used stamps. While we may think those stamps are worthless, they can actually be great materials for a free parent-child activity. We can bring the different types and sizes of envelopes and stamps from the office back home, and let the children go through the whole process of stamp collecting:

 

  1. Cut the stamps off the envelopes.

 

  1. Soak the stamps in water for a while.

 

  1. Slowly peel the stamps off and let them dry.

 

  1. Once the stamps are dry, they can be placed in a stamp album.

 

This process of handling the stamps can not only train the children’s patience and focus, but also enhance their self-management abilities. They can also learn different information from the envelopes and stamps, such as the names of different countries and regions, various denominations, and stamp designs, thus developing their multiple intelligences.

 

Some parents like to use toys as rewards to encourage their children, such as rewarding them with stickers after they finish their homework. Stamps can actually be more effective rewards. Whenever the child completes certain tasks, they can be given a stamp as a reward, and the more beautiful or rare the stamp, the more effective the reward will be. This not only reduces the negative impact of material abundance on the children, but stamps also have aesthetic value and can be stored for a long time. Most importantly, we can appreciate the stamp album together with the children, which can serve as a tool for parent-child communication

Additionally, Hong Kong frequently launches new stamps and themed first-day covers, which parents can acquire at reasonable prices to greatly expand the variety of stamps, designs, and sizes for their children. If parents travel or go on business trips abroad, they can also collect local stamps, especially the cheapest ones, like the one-penny stamps in the UK. Parents can also ask their relatives, friends, and colleagues to bring back stamps from their travels or business trips, which can greatly diversify the stamp collection for the children through different acquisition channels.

 

Why not try this meaningful reward system and parent-child activity with your family?

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